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A subtle method of controlling is passive-aggressive behavior. Signs of this behavior are putting things off (procrastination), forgetting to do things others ask, stubbornness, avoiding communication, dislike or bad attitude toward people in charge, being irritable, or arguing frequently. The passive-aggressive person may seem to agree, then do the opposite. This can be very frustrating for the person who is in a relationship with this person. Frustration is the early stage of anger and bitterness. The question is, why does one behave this way? Fear of expressing one’s wishes because of feelings of inadequacy or feeling that “no one cares to meet my needs,” are examples of lies that drive this type of behavior. What a passive-aggressive person needs to understand is that they are sabotaging their relationships at home and work.
Baggage Destroys Relationships
Relationships are two or more people connecting together. The biggest problem in developing good relationships is the baggage of our past. We can sometimes bury or repress emotions for a time, but either we hurt ourselves by holding it in, or the emotions explode out, thereby damaging the relationship. Hot-tempered people may react so quickly to their distorted emotions that their rage can take them to prison for such things as domestic abuse.
Don’t Be a Controller
Controlling develops out of our perception of who we are. For instance, fear of rejection may lead a person to become possessive and smother the relationship. Perceptions of self-hate may lead to sabotage by preemptive rejection. People who feel hopeless or helpless might undermine or manipulate in a passive-aggressive way. Bullying and intimidating in a show of power may precipitate from anger and rage. Others may shut down, hold everything in, which frustrates those desiring a more intimate relationship.
The Past, Our Old Nature
It would be easier to resolve conflicts if uncomfortable feelings of the past were not in the mix. Some conflicts are the result of substantive issues. Feelings of anger, fear, rejection, guilt, and self-hate are often generated by lies of the enemy. They obstruct what we were meant to be in God’s truth. It is easier to make choices based on truth and peace.
Allowing Others to Hurt Us
Co-dependency is trying to control another person to stop their self-destructive behavior. This concept was developed based on alcohol and drug addiction. The co-dependent is drawn into having his or her happiness dependent upon the behavior of the addict who is out of control. Some within the medical therapy sector label all less-than-perfect actions as falling into the realm of co-dependency. This puts another person as being responsible for a person’s happiness. This is a self-centered position and leads to unrealistic expectations in relationships.
The Seeds of Abuse
Allowing oneself to be abused can be traced to wounds of previous abuse or wounds where one subconsciously perceives him or herself unworthy, hopeless, rejected or abandoned, and more. The abuser, on the other hand, is angry and is compelled to control to feel secure and valuable.
Paint Yourself with Teflon
Being offended is not abuse. Many times we become emotionally hurt in situations that trigger the emotions of past hurts. Christians are required not to be offended. When we do become offended, and when we overcome offenses, the compassion of Jesus comes forth. This is an indication of healing. If we require others in our life to bow at the whims of our wounds, that’s self-centeredness. It is wonderful to become healthy and much more peaceful to have offenses slide off.
Discord and Dissension
Discord and dissension can occur in organizations, business, and churches. Emotional wounds of the past can affect relationships of the present. Our ministry helps people break away to freedom from the past through surrendering these to Jesus, who was sent to the world in the flesh for that purpose. Take the benefit test.
Related Links:
How the Co-Dependency Movement is Ruining Marriages
www.marriagebuilders.com
Co-Dependency: When Caring Becomes a Disease
www.habitsmart.com
Co-Dependency
www.skepdic.com
What is Co-Dependency
www.planetpsych.com
Tools for Relationships
www.coping.org
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